注册 登录  
 加关注
   显示下一条  |  关闭
温馨提示!由于新浪微博认证机制调整,您的新浪微博帐号绑定已过期,请重新绑定!立即重新绑定新浪微博》  |  关闭

iE-ducation:围城这点事儿

云英化水景光新,上方一塔俯清秋。太湖夜照山灵影,顽福甘心让虎丘

 
 
 

日志

 
 

致“剩女”父母们的一封公开信  

2013-02-03 02:08:13|  分类: 女生教育 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

  下载LOFTER 我的照片书  |

            2013/02/01   from Wall Street Journal  by Joy Chen

     Dear fellow parents,
      亲爱的家长们:
     Spring Festival is approaching! You must be so eagerly anticipating your daughter's return home.What wisdom will you impart during your short time together?
      春节已经临近了,你们一定非常急切地盼望着女儿回家团聚吧。在短短的团聚中,你们会向女儿传授些什么人生智慧呢?
     'Hurry, hurry, get married!'
    “抓紧,抓紧结婚!”
     If you're like many parents, you'll hurry her to get married. Ideally, to a multi-millionaire. A multi-millionaire who's also a gourmet chef, family doctor, and multiple-passport holder. Because if you could get her safely adopted by a husband like that, you could rest knowing she forever will be secure.
    如果你们也与众多家长一样,你们一定会催促她赶紧结婚。最好是嫁给一个百万富翁,一个既能做一手好饭,又能充当家庭医生,并持有几个国家护照的百万富翁。因为你们知道,如果她能嫁给这样一个可以依靠的丈夫,她就永远都会过上有保障的生活了,这样你们也就放心了。

    I understand. Because I too have daughters, two of them, though mine are still small. Being parents means living with our hearts outside of our bodies. We just want to know our kids are OK. We just want them to be safe and secure.
    我理解你们的想法,因为我自己也有女儿,而且有两个女儿,尽管她们年纪还很小。做了家长意味着我们整天都过着操心牵挂的生活。我们只想知道孩子们过得不错,只希望她们平平安安的。
    And for centuries in China, marriage was the sole source of security available to a woman. Security was her lifetime guarantee in return for her lifetime of service to husband and family.
    在中国,多少个世纪以来,婚姻一直是女性所能选择的唯一的安全感来源。安全感是她一生的保障,当然,她也要相应地承担为丈夫和家庭操劳一辈子的代价。

    But we are living in times of radical change.
    但是,我们现在生活在急剧变化的时代。
    Divorce now is exploding across China
    中国的离婚率呈爆炸式增长

    While parents are thinking about how to get their daughters married off, married couples are thinking about whether to get divorced.
    家长们在考虑着如何把女儿嫁出去,但一对对夫妻却在考虑着是否要离婚。

    Once known for its stable marriages, China now suffers from the 'China-style divorce;' one-third of marriages in Shanghai and Beijing now end in divorce. The main driver of divorce is the born-post-1980 generation.
    中国这个曾经号称“世界婚姻最稳定的国家”,目前正经受着“中国式离婚”的强烈冲击。上海和北京等地有三分之一的婚姻解体,而80后是离婚群体的主力军。
    The sad fact is, for many, marriage now is a source of great insecurity.For the first time China's history, a generation of children now is growing up the children of divorce.
    令人感到悲哀的事实是,对许多人来说,如今婚姻已成为极大不安全感的来源。在中国历史上,首次出现了一代在离异家庭中长大的孩子。

    Women bear the costs and risks of marriage and parenthood
    女性承担着婚姻与抚育孩子的代价与风险

    Consider the implications. For women today, marriage and motherhood can offer significant benefits, but significant costs and risks as well.In fact, marriage and children are clearly riskier for a woman than for a man. That's because the costs of child care, time, emotional energy, career opportunities, and financial security all are mostly borne by her.
    对当代女性来说,需要考虑到的后果是,婚姻与成为一名母亲既能带来许多好处,但同时也能引发巨大的代价和风险。事实上,婚姻与生养孩子给女性带来的风险明显比男性大。这是因为照顾孩子投入的成本、时间和情感以及为此牺牲的职业机遇和经济保障,主要都由女性承担。

    The unspoken contract is that her husband will share his income with her and the kids. But as we can see from today's marriage statistics, a woman who marries young has an excellent chance of divorcing young. Despite that women suffer disproportionately in a divorce, a recent study shows that now nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women. This tells you how bad their marriages must have been.
    不言而喻的约定是,她的丈夫会与她以及他们的孩子共享他的收入。但是,年纪轻轻结婚的女性在年纪轻轻时就离婚的可能性非常高。尽管离婚对女性的负面影响显然更高,但最近有研究显示,中国有接近70%的离婚案例都由女性主动提出的。这表明她们的婚姻是多么糟糕。
     As parents we are living in a strange in-between period
    家长们生活在一个奇特的新旧交替时期
    So, as parents, we're living in a strange in-between period in Chinese history. We grew up in an old world, a world where it would have been hard to imagine a woman surviving outside of marriage, socially if not financially.
    身为家长,我们生活在中国历史上一个奇特的新旧交替时期。我们在旧世界中长大,在那样一个世界中,很难想象一名女性如果不结婚将如何活下去,就算经济独立,在社会上也难以立足。

    But our daughters live in a new world, a world where they must learn not simply to marry, but to be independent, and if they marry, to have a marriage that succeeds.
     然而,我们的女儿生活在一个新世界,她们在这个世界必须要学会独立,而不只是嫁为人妻,而且即使要结婚的话,也要有一段成功的婚姻。

    After all, what does it mean for a marriage to be a success? Merely managing to stay legally married until one or the other person dies? Or something more? Parents' pressure to marry just to marry leads directly to insecurity in life
    那么,成功的婚姻究竟是指什么呢?只是尽力维持合法的夫妻身份,直至其中一个人死去吗?它是不是还有更多涵义呢?
来自家长的压力直接引发生活中的不安全感。

     As parents we now face a conundrum as modern as it is tragic. For the sake of security, many parents pressure their daughters to hurry up and marry just to marry. Out of filial piety, many daughters rush into relationships which result in loveless marriages, extramarital affairs and nasty divorces.
     作为家长,我们现在面临着一个矛盾,这个矛盾也容易引发不幸。为了获得保障,许多家长们往往催逼女儿抓紧时间,为了结婚而结婚。出于对父母的孝顺,许多女儿们仓促步入婚姻殿堂,造成了无爱的婚姻、婚外情乃至令人不快的离婚。

    In this way, parents' pressure to marry just to marry leads women into lives of financial, emotional and spiritual insecurity. Which is the precisely the outcome that parents are trying to avoid in pressuring their daughters to marry.
     这样一来,家长们催逼女儿为了结婚而结婚,却导致她们陷入经济、情感和精神上都没有安全感的生活中。这正是家长们在催逼女儿赶紧结婚时力图避免出现的结果。

    Today's women have essential new dreams
     当今的女性拥有不可或缺的新梦想

    I've heard some parents lament that they feel their daughter's desire to wait to find a good marriage reflects poorly on them as parents. To the contrary! Your daughter's independent spirit is a reflection of the good work you did to help her gain an education.
     我曾听到一些家长哀叹,他们觉得女儿想等待美满婚姻的愿望会让别人觉得他们是糟糕的家长。恰恰相反!你们女儿的独立精神反映出你们在教育她的问题上做得非常出色。

     Now that she can survive on she own, she yearns for all the things that every human being yearns for once her survival needs are met: to be truly loved, to have dreams, to have meaning in life
    
既然她能够独立生存下去,一旦她的生存需求得到满足,那么她也会渴望每个人都渴望的东西──得到真爱、拥有梦想、让自己的生活有意义。
    Her dreams are as essential to her as the air she breathes and the food she eats. She needs that any marriage she enters to be based on mutual love and partnership.
    对她来说,梦想就如同她呼吸的空气和她所吃的食物一样不可或缺。无论与谁步入婚姻殿堂,她都需要是以相亲相爱与相互合作为基础的。

    You should be proud of her, and proud of the job you did in raising this singular young woman.
    你们应当为她感到骄傲,也为你们养育了一个独立的年轻女性所付出的努力感到骄傲。

    Your daughter's future security and happiness may depend on the advice you give her
    女儿未来的幸福或许取决于你们的建议

    Over Spring Festival, the advice you give your daughter may deeply affect how she goes about gaining the things she needs to nourish her spirit and achieve the security she needs.So, come Spring Festival, rather than admonishing, 'Do you have a boyfriend? Hurry, hurry, get married!'
    春节期间,你们给女儿提供的建议或许会深深地影响她如何去培养自己的精神和获得所需的安全感。所以,当春节来到时,请不要劝诫她“你有男朋友了吗?抓紧,抓紧结婚!”
    Maybe the right questions are:
    'How are you? What are your dreams in this beautiful new year? What can we do to support you?'
     恰当的问题或许是这样的:
    “你过得好吗?你在这个美丽的新年有什么梦想?我们能做些什么来帮助你?”
     And, if she does have a boyfriend:
    'Will he be good to you? Will he encourage you to find and realize your dreams? Will he be a loving and trustworthy partner? Will he see you as the full person that you are and not just for what you can do for him?'

     此外,如果她确实有男朋友的话,你们或许可以问她:
    “他会对你好吗?他会鼓励你去寻找并实现你的梦想吗?他会是一个充满爱意、值得信任的伴侣吗?他会把你视为一个完完整整的人,而不只是根据你能为他做什么来看待你吗?”

    As parents, our most important job is to prepare our daughters to flourish in this modern new world.
    作为家长,我们最重要的工作就是为我们的女儿在这个现代的新世界绚烂绽放做好准备。
    With Spring Festival just around the corner, now is the time to plan what words to impart to your daughter. Take advantage of your brief time together to give her the advice she needs. Her future security and happiness may depend on it.
       春节即将来临,现在是计划要对你们的女儿说些什么的时候了。利用你们团聚的短短几天给她提些她真正需要的建议吧。她未来的保障和幸福或许就取决于你们的这些建议了。
      注:本文作者陈愉是前洛杉矶华裔副市长、女性自由主义倡导者, 畅销书作家,著有《30岁前别结婚》。

 假如你是“剩女”,2013春节怎么过?  (限选6项)  

票数:1 投票时间:2013-02-03 02:18:28 到 2013-03-01 02:00:00

  •     0(0%)
  •     0(0%)
  •     0(0%)
  •     1(100%)
  •     0(0%)
  •     0(0%)
查看参与情况
编辑投票|删除投票

最新投票|博友投票

      评论这张
     
    阅读(42)| 评论(0)
    推荐 转载

    历史上的今天

    在LOFTER的更多文章

    评论

    <#--最新日志,群博日志--> <#--推荐日志--> <#--引用记录--> <#--博主推荐--> <#--随机阅读--> <#--首页推荐--> <#--历史上的今天--> <#--被推荐日志--> <#--上一篇,下一篇--> <#-- 热度 --> <#-- 网易新闻广告 --> <#--右边模块结构--> <#--评论模块结构--> <#--引用模块结构--> <#--博主发起的投票-->
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    页脚

    网易公司版权所有 ©1997-2017